Monday, January 20, 2014

The Killer of Living in the Moment

I recently told friends and family I would be deleting my Facebook account. After so many relatives were worried they wouldn't be able to see photos of my kids and family updates (apparently not everyone prefers Instagram- whaa??), I decided I would keep my account but clear my news feed. Have you ever done this? I hadn't realized why I had so much disdain for Facebook until I went through it purposefully. I hid everything and everyone who was chronically negative or discouraged me. Needless to say, my feed is now nearly empty.

The issue of social media has been heavy on my heart for months. I even started a hash tag movement to help alleviate some of what I've seen rising so quickly {talking more about that later}. But it's more than that; it's this lingering feeling that everyone is trying desperately to one-up everyone else. Focusing specifically on Facebook, it's the status updates sharing waaaay too much. I kid you not, the other day I saw an update from a wife that came right out and said she and her husband were currently engaging in foreplay.

Let's back up for one quick sec, shall we? So, you're lying in bed with your husband and doing whatever you do before fully coming together, and... "hang on one sec baby. This is so great but let me just tell everyone we know what you're doing to me." Is it just me or is updating Facebook totally not on your radar during sexy time either?! Awkward doesn't even cover it.

This is, as far as I know, not an every day occurrence, but it makes a point. If that status update got twenty-something "likes" by the time I came across it and spit out my hummus, then it is considered acceptable, and maybe even normal. I want to take a bat to my computer and yell "WHATEVER HAPPENED TO TRUE INTIMACY?!"
If you haven't seen Fireproof you won't get this at all. 

Seriously though, what happened? 
What happened to quiet whispers and kisses in the dark being just between a man and his wife? 
What happened to a romantic text message without a posted screenshot? 
What happened to living in the moment instead of Instagramming it? 
Must we share every single thing?

Do you know I heard a conversation between two women at a restaurant recently about how they weren't sure if an old high school friend had a good marriage because she is so private? Are. You. Kidding me?! This makes me so mad because that is exactly what posting and sharing everything does. It makes it normal, and those who don't are assumed about. 

Let me say that I believe social media can be used for so much good! Blogs need Facebook pages to keep up and grow, and as wives, part of our responsibility is to praise our husbands when they are not around. For me, Facebook can play a part in that, as my husband isn't on there. But there is a giant difference between saying something sweet about your husband and something kind he did for you, and telling everyone that he gives you good foreplay. There is also a difference between sharing that you love him and sending the public a photo of an emotionally intimate conversation between the two of you. Enjoy life, people! Enjoy the texts, enjoy the sex, enjoy the fleeting moments and stop telling everyone you've ever met what's going on because guess what...they don't even really care, and you are missing out on what's happening right in front of you!

There's another side to this. What about the wife at home with her children who doesn't have a sweet, romantic husband? She sits down in the middle of a long, hard day that included a blow-out fight with her husband, checks her phone to escape for a minute, and sees a post about how incredibly amazing someone else's husband is. She aches even more now. 

Do you see what I am saying? There's a difference between praising your husband, and boasting or bragging. There's a difference between being an encouraging wife by tagging your hubby in a post, and just rubbing your perfection in everyone's face. And let's be honest, if someone's life seems perfect online, we all know it isn't, so why do we even bother comparing? 

I have also seen how my beloved Instagram can cause us to play a mean game of comparison. Ladies, just because someone takes beautiful photographs and has a knack for capturing a beautiful moment in every day life does not mean their life is only beautiful moments. To be perfectly honest (which I feel the need to do after preaching on this here pulpit), there have been plenty of days where I posted a picture of my adorable children holding hands or frolicking in a nearby field, and then screamed at them on the car ride home, or skipped cooking that night because I was mad at my husband. Yes I have done that before. Judge away. The point is, we are real. We are human. We are flawed and fugly. Yes, I meant to type fugly. We all have bra-less, makeup-less, greasy hair days, but they won't line up with each others. So, odds are, on your fugly day, someone in your Instagram feed is going to be having a fabulous hair day and wearing a dress while walking hand-in-hand with her husband on the beach. Oh well. Life goes on, because you will have a great day soon too if you get out there and make it happen and be happy with what you have and with who you are. 

So, check in on all your social media networks and clear your feeds. Get rid of the unreal and the negative and the boasters. And then, practice logging on and seeing all your friends and not comparing your day to theirs. My prayer is that our generation of mothers can learn to live in the moment and enjoy it in full, not Instgramming every single one, so that our children will be tide-turners who don't have to learn to disconnect like everyone else will, because we already taught them what the focus is- real life happening right now.

P.S. Have you joined in the Imperfect Motherhood challenge yet? I challenge you to show us your real life- the mess, the bad hair day, all the imperfections that make us sigh, laugh, and pour a third cup of coffee. All you have to do is be on Instagram, follow me at @allie_thatsme, and post your beautifully imperfect photo with the hashtag #imperfectmotherhood. Please note that if your account is private, you have to tag me if you'd like me to see it, and unblock your account for other mamas to see. 
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2 comments:

  1. LOVE this! Thank you! You spoke my heart on this one to a T! Blessings!
    #justkeepingitreal ;o)

    Laura

    ReplyDelete

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