Bad Advice

I picked up a popular parenting book a couple of months ago, and recently cracked it open, eager to dive into a fresh oasis of godly advice. However, as I started taking the words in, a red flag went up. I strongly disagreed with much of what I read. I understand there are millions of opinions and viewpoints- I can't possibly agree with them all. Sometimes, you can read a book and discard twenty percent or so. But with this book, I was disagreeing with about half of it. I stopped halfway and threw it out.

Part of what I read was the idea that complimenting your children is a mistake. The author stated that if we praise our children for "stupid accomplishments" or offer compliments too often, they will grow to be conceited and selfish people. I couldn't disagree more! Where in the Bible does it talk about this? We are to pour love and grace out on our children. We are commanded to train them in the ways of the Lord! When did Jesus ever withhold loving words or praise from anyone because he didn't want to make them selfish? Please. That is ridiculous.

I remember when Bella was only a baby, no more than 9 months old, I would comb her hair and say "Beautiful, Bella" and she would raise her tiny hand to her head and stroke her hair with pride. Now that she's two, I let her sit on the bathroom counter while I put my make up on. She loves asking me questions, pretending to put blush on her plump little cheeks, and brushing my hair. I still tell her she's beautiful, especially as I'm doing her hair and helping her get dressed for the day. I compliment her on her unique features, and kiss her till she won't have anymore of it. She chooses the flowers and bows for her hair each day and runs out of the bathroom to show Daddy, smiling as she awaits his compliments. And the look on her face as he tells her how lovely she is is one of sheer joy. Why would I withhold this from my precious baby girl?

When she is a teenager with acne and an awkward shape, am I going to stop telling her she's pretty? Absolutely not. She will need it more than ever. Keeping compliments and praise from your child is stupid. Simple as that. Boy or girl... doesn't matter. They need to hear us praise them for both what they do and who they are; the things they can help and the things they can't.

"And a voice from heaven said, 'This is my Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased'."

Matthew 3:17