I Moved!!

Come to where I am! There's a fresh website, many more topics of discussion, and a better look inside my life over at The Purposeful Housewife at WordPress.

Identifying {and breaking} A Generational Curse

You know how a lot of times you see a family hand a problem, like an addiction, down from person to person? And oftentimes, it's the same gender children that take it on? For example, a father is an alcoholic and his son becomes and alcoholic. This is a generational curse, and it's demonic activity. It is not something to be taken lightly, and it is certainly not something to just pass off as unstoppable. Addiction is probably the most commonly recognized generational curse, but if you look closely and prayerfully, you could very well find one in your own family.

A few years ago, through my church's prayer team, God revealed a generational curse to me. I had come to them for prayer over my post-partum depression and lack of connection with Bella, my then-newborn daughter. When he showed it to me {it was like seeing a vision} I saw a demonic figure hovering over all the mother-daughter relationships in my family tree. My grandmother, Betty, abandoned my mom and her older sister when they were three and one. My mom found her after I was born and stayed in contact with her until Betty passed away recently. I had always wondered what would bring a mother to leave her children, without any care for where they end up. Demonic binds in a family will do that. 

Betty's mother {my great-grandmother} also had a lack of connection with her daughter. I feel the same thing between my own mom and myself. It's something that doesn't really have a rhyme or reason. My childhood was good, nothing tragic was done or happened, the distance is just there. There's just a subconscious, very unnatural distance between the mothers and daughters in our family. This is not of God. It is not His will that such an intimate, loving relationship be dysfunctional.

The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly. -John 10:10

Is feeling like you can't connect with your child having abundant life? NO! The Lord wants to heal that and remove the root. He wants to banish that demonic activity in my family and replace it with truth, love, and grace. Redemption is what He desires and what He wants to bring if we will only ask! 

I am praying over this. I have had some serious spiritual warfare and prayer time over this issue with Bella and I. If you feel that God is showing you a generational curse in your own family, or if you have a lack of connection with one (or more) of your children, attack it! Come against it! Here's how I have been doing so...

I pray against relational dysfunction. 

I pray against the spirit of fear {in my case, fear of Bella rebelling later which causes a wall to go up in my heart toward her}

I pray against the spirit of discontent {in who Bella is and will be as a person}

I pray against the enemy's hold on my family and the generations that make it up.

I command he release his hold on my relationship with Bella in Jesus' name. 

I replace the spirits I commanded to leave with the things of God- peace, joy, love, harmony, acceptance, passion, unconditional love and care, etc. 

If any of this rings a bell for you, on any topic- not just mother-daughter relationships, take it to God in prayer. He may be wanting to show you something like He did for me. Remember, the enemy will use simple things like this that you may not even really notice or think much of. He wants to tear down and cause problems wherever he can. If a family member in a generation before yours opened the door to him in the past, you could be the one God wants to use to break that chain! If there is a lack of abundant life in your family, it isn't what God wants for you! Go to Him and ask for His guidance.

Do you have experience in this? Have you noticed any generational curses in your family? Please, share with me. 

A Letter to the Woman Who Told Me I Use Jesus As A Crutch

"My issue with you and your blog is this- you use Jesus as a crutch, for everything! I think God wants us to learn and grow on our own. He wants us to be strong. How can that happen if you're relying on Him for everything?"

"You use Jesus as a crutch..."

I'm sure I am not the only person on the planet who has been told this before. Actually, I think this is a fairly common bash against Christians. The thing is, I've never heard a believer use it against another believer. It made me think. I get emails and feedback fairly often, but with this one, I felt I couldn't simply write back. I need to address this loudly. I think it deserves a post.

Dear woman who says I use Jesus as a crutch,

I want to say that I think, maybe, I understand where you are coming from and what you mean, but I also want to say, as respectfully as possible, that you are mistaken. Not about the fact that I use Jesus as a crutch- you are 100% correct on that point. Where you went wrong is in the original idea of what you said...that using Jesus as a crutch is wrong. Please let me explain...

We can't do anything right on our own. We are human- weak, helpless, strong-willed, stubborn, and pretty darn stupid. We weren't created to "be strong" and "do things on our own". We were created with a need, a God-shaped hole only He can fill. We need Him. And we're supposed to.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

-Proverbs 3:5

When the ripples of life turn into waves, then tidal waves that overwhelm me and swallow my soul, am I just expected to "be strong" or "keep calm and carry on"? What good would that do? How is it possible? No, I am sure that even you would say this is a time to turn to Jesus. How is it any different, then, when I am drained from a day spent meeting others' needs, making meals, washing clothes, answering the endless questions from my three-year-old, encouraging my husband, and all the other things that come with my life, and I want to cry? What's the difference? In both situations, extreme and simple, I am desperate for Him. I ache for His voice and comfort. I need to be refreshed by Him or I simply won't make it. God wants us to come to Him with everything- the ripples, the waves, and the tidal waves. And He doesn't want us to wait for the tidal waves to start. That's not what walking with Him looks like.

Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.

-1 Peter 5:7

All your anxieties. Every single one- big or small.

It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.

-John 6:63

Friend, please understand that you have been seriously misled in this. Please take in these verses and let them seep into your heart. Please come to know the God who longs to walk with you through all parts of your life, every day. You don't have to do this on your own. You weren't made to. 

God... I'm Drowning

I've been in a funk lately.

Unmotivated.
Groggy.
Lazy.
Weary.

I've also been avoiding the Lord.
In all honesty, I'm ashamed of what I've been doing with what He's given me.

Today, while my kids were napping, I made lunch and pulled out my laptop.
My plan was to zone out and watch a show.
But I felt this uncontrollable pull... my sofa and Jesus were calling me.

I plopped down and buried my head in a pillow.
After about a minute of considering going back to TV, I began...

"God..... I'm drowning" was all I could think to say.

Then He spoke. So clearly, so perfectly, so gracefully.

"Remember Peter in the waves. You are drowning because you have looked away. Fix your eyes on Me and you will walk on the water instead of drowning in it."

Yes. Back to where I need to be, just like that.

Thank you, Lord!

Boys

Happy birthday, Leland Cade! Thanks for giving me lessons on being a mama of boys! Who knows what I'll learn next!

One of those days...

Transformation In the Daily Grind

God moves in transforming ways in the normal grind of life. 

This is a note I have scribbled on a page in my journal from church on Sunday.
I can't stop looking at it.
I have my journal open to this page, sitting on my end table, and I keep glancing over at it, thinking about how this applies to my life- past, present, and future.
I think it appeals to me because my life as a stay-at-home mom is just that- normal grind.
The statement above offers me a fresh perspective and hope.
Hope that my life is more than what it feels like.
Hope that I am doing more than wiping booties and kissing boo boo's all day long. 
Hope that something can happen in this little house of mine.
Something great. Something holy.

Transforming ways.
Why does that sound so incredible?
Why do I want to take hold of the opportunity those words seem to extend to me?
Why do I feel my heart rate increase at the sound of them?
Because I am hungry for something. 
I am hungry for a transformation.
This really got me thinking. So I did what I do best and looked up the meaning...

Transformation: a thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance. 

There it is. That's exactly what I'm craving in my life right now.
I want desperately to be transformed. 
And so, I come to the throne of grace, lay my burdens down and hang my weary head.
I lift my hands in surrender to the King of kings.
And I give Him my heart once again.

My thoughts, my self, my marriage, my children, my home, my relationships, my time, my worries, my future, my everything... belongs in His hands.
I don't know why I took it all back from Him in the first place, packing it all in a backpack and trudging around with it- a huge burden on my shoulders.
Enough is enough. It's time. Time to give it all back to the One who wants to carry it for me. 
He is a rushing wind, a transforming love.
Let Him in.

Do You Have Your Child's Heart?

My Bella

Bella is my firstborn; she'll be four next month. She has an imagination bigger than she is, blue eyes that are big and bright, the sweetest little giggle, and a special love for animals. She is crazy about our family. She adores her daddy, throws her whole little self into his arms when he comes home at night. She tries with all her might to be just like me. She watches my every move and talks just like I do. She hugs her brothers more times than I can count during the day. She keeps her baby brother happy while he's fidgeting in his car seat by talking to him in high squeaky voices and making silly faces. She is love. She is joy. She is a gift. But, I do not have her heart. Don't go back, you read that right. It's the truth, as cold a truth as it is. Let me explain...

Immediately after Bella's birth, I began suffering from severe post-partum depression. It took me about a year and a half to come out of it completely. That's a lot of her life, eighteen months. That's a lot of laughter, swinging, playing, chasing, tickling that I missed. I might have been physically there for some of it, but not mentally, so I don't remember. I have no memories of Bella until she was almost a year old. God has healed a lot of the cuts in my heart from this painful time, but there's still more to be done.

I don't know if it's fully because of the rocky start we had or not, but it's hard for me to connect with Bella. I don't really get her sometimes, and other times I get her completely because she's so much like me, and that freaks me out a little. Since her birth, Brian and I have had Leland, who is now about to turn two, and Hudson, who is seven months old. Two boys back-to-back doesn't leave a lot of room for individual bonding. That doesn't mean I'm excused from connecting with my children, I'm just saying it makes it harder and is the reason I have failed thus far with Bella. She's always been the easy one. She'll wait while I tend to Leland's screeched demand, or while I make Hudson's bottle to stop the fussing. She'll wait. And she's waited about four years for my full attention and never really gotten it. This is what has led to me not having her heart.

And then, when she throws the very rare temper tantrum, unable to cope with her frustration another minute, she gets yelled at, because I yell. She gets disciplined. In trouble. I understand if you're thinking that I'm a terrible mother right now. I understand that maybe you don't yell, and maybe you spend hours of one-on-one time with your children every day. I understand I may lose your respect here. That's okay. I'm learning. I may be a little bit lower than you on the ladder of motherhood, but we can't all begin on the same step. I am learning, and writing out my journey. So, if you could try to understand, you might learn something, even from me.

Bella has suffered night terrors off and on pretty much her whole life. I am a firm believer in spiritual warfare, so I pray heavily over her, her bedroom, and our home when it happens, and the problem is gone... for awhile. But the spirit of fear sneaks its way back into my little girl's room time and time again, just like it did when I was little. And just like me now, as an adult, I believe it's because Bella is going to be one heck of a demon hunter when she grows up. I believe she's going to be a mighty prayer warrior, demolishing the enemy's plans left and right. But for now, she's a little girl who has bad dreams and needs me to bring Jesus into her room and leave the light on.

The last few months have been especially difficult in this area. There have been a lot of interrupted nights- pulling her into our bed, letting her sleep in her brothers' room, and praying in the Spirit. I have asked Bella what is happening in her dreams, what she is afraid of. She won't tell me. I assumed she just didn't know how to put it into words or something. Tonight though, the boys were cranky and went to bed early, Brian was out running an errand, and Bella was watching "Tangled" while I laid on the other couch not feeling well. The movie ended and it was time for her to go to bed. As I got up to walk her to her room, something stopped me. It was that mother's intuition to do something- you know, you've felt it before. I felt like I should sit and talk to her first. I did not want to. I'm sick with a wicked cough and sinus infection. I stood for a second weighing how guilty I'd feel if I ignored this nudging, then opted to just listen to it.

I sat down and pulled Bella into my lap and asked her, "Did you have a pretty good day today?" We chit chatted a little and ended up looking through photo albums together- our wedding day, Bella's first year, which brought tears to my eyes. I'm in the pictures but I don't remember being there. So weird. Our talk moved on to Jesus and how He protects us from "bad guys". Bella decided she was ready for bed, and I hoped that maybe she wouldn't be afraid and would lie down and go right to sleep. We walked into her room and she laid down. I prayed with her, reminded her that Jesus was standing right there, and told her I'd just be right down the hall on my computer. "Can you put your computer on that box and sit on my floor, Mommy?" I tried again, for the hundredth time, and asked Bella what it is she has been so afraid of every night. "Bella," I said, "what are you afraid of? Remember, Jesus is here with you! He fights all the bad guys and He is your Savior." And then it happened, she told me. "So, no pumpkins and ghosts are going to get me?" My heart sank. Stupid Halloween. No matter how hard I try, it's everywhere, she saw enough to be afraid. All this time... she's been living and sleeping in fear since October!

The thing I learned here wasn't just what Bella was afraid of, it was why she finally told me. Would you ever confide in someone, tell them your biggest fear if you didn't trust them completely... if they didn't have your heart? By spending a little time with her, talking with her, sharing memories with her and telling her the story of our wedding day, Bella felt connected with me. I had her heart tonight. Then she confided in me. 

The key to your child's heart is spending time earning it. 

Feel free to pin or share the photo below as a reminder to keep your child's heart by earning it every day. 

New Post Coming...

My Resolutions for 2013

From the day after Christmas until about the end of January, people everywhere are talking about their New Year resolutions. I'm a goal-oriented person. I do pretty well when I have a goal in mind and I don't really have a hard time meeting that goal. Sometimes it takes longer than planned, but I don't usually give up. Every new year, I choose a few simple goals for each area of my life, make sure they're realistic and doable, then keep the list somewhere I'll see it often and get to work. 

This year, I reflected on my walk with God, my marriage, my mothering, and my health. I wrote down the things I am not doing so well with, and formed my resolutions from there.

I never share my resolutions, but this year, since I've been sharing my personal thoughts and experiences with you for over two years now, I've decided to go ahead and share. Plus, it helps with accountability. Here they are, my resolutions for the year 2013...


Spiritual:
Make quiet time every day, at least ten minutes.
Keep moving forward. Grow. Seek God out.
Seek God's will in ministry opportunities for myself and Brian.

Marriage & Motherhood:
Work diligently and prayerfully on RESPECTING Brian. At all times.
Stop yelling. Prayerfully, with God's help, break this terrible habit/curse for good.
Take time out of each day to ENJOY the kids. Each one of them should get at least a couple minutes of one-on-one time with me every day.
Establish a bedtime routine and make it a habit to keep it.

Physical:
Get active. In any type of cardio I want. At least three times a week.
Get fit enough to feel great during a special photo shoot for Brian as an anniversary present in Sept.
Begin living a mostly-gluten-free (about 90% of the time) lifestyle.

What are your resolutions? Do you normally have trouble keeping them? What are you doing differently this year to make things happen for yourself and your family? Do share!